mundane

Dose of Truth

I feel like something’s wrong with me, EveryTime I reach out to others for connections and relationships, i feel so Fake.

I don’t feel   genuine. I don’t feel  I’m talking to anyone like I actually care. I don’t think people actually care and like me either, I believe they are tolerant of me at most. People say they want you around but is that  what  their  hearts  say?
I don’t know. But I keep believing the lies that I’ve gaslighted myself into believing is the truth.

Is there something wrong with me? I feel like every interaction is just for show, nothing deep or intimate. What do people truly think of me? Why am I so obsessed with this? Is this some sort of desire deep-rooted in man  dating back centuries?  am I truly alone on this feeling, or do others worry about  the  same  things?

I feel so disgusting and low. I feel like I am simply playing a part when This Isn’t An Internet Persona! This is Me! I Am Him! I want long and MEANingful  relationships, but every time I Reach Out, No One grabs my hand! AM I THAT  TERRIBLE  AT COMMUNICATING?  OR AM I JUST THAT  UNINTERESTing  TO OTHERS.

When I hold my hand out,  please  hold it? Hold me.