It’s No Different From Assault
I think for as Long as I can Remember I’ve been disciplined via beatings and punishments. I don’t even know if they worked since ultimately I feel like nothing about me as Changed Much, I just became more Aware of what makes others upset with me and I adjust accordingly. I don’t know if that’s the point of them but I Always Felt like there was another Way to discipline a Child. I never saw adults who make mistakes get hurt the way I did, why did I have to Get Hurt? Why did I have to get bruised—See my siblings bruised even, to get disciplined and taught a lesson?
One of my oldest memories is split between waking up in a bed, not Knowing Who am I and Where I am, and Being Hurt by someone who is meant to be my Protector. I Grew up thinking it’s normal to be Afraid of the people who provide for you and They actively agree that yes, fear in child is healthy, you should be Afraid of us. You should never feel comfortable enough around us. I don’t know. Is it normal? Is it normal to constantly get dreams of your parents harming you in Some Way? Betraying your trust in some way? Is it normal to never feel like you can truly be safe because one wrong mistake and You’ve lost all Trust and Respect again. Is it normal to feel less than a Person? I Don’t Know. I don’t know I don’t want to know. Apparently it isn’t but for the Longest Time I was just forever questioning if it was… but Questioning Authority means you are Being Disrespectful. Disrespectful means you will get Hurt Again. I Don’t know.
I Think the most insane Part about Spankings is the after effects. You’re crying, don’t cry during it because They’ll Yell and Make you hurt worse. it hurts so badly, but don’t try and Defend Yourself, you’re Make it Worse for yourself. There’s nothing you can do But Accept it. You have to strip down and Accept it. It doesn’t Matter how badly it Hurts or Changes how you see your Parents, you just have to Lay Down and Take It. You have to, it’s your Punishment, it’s why obedience is So Important. After it’s over, it’s complete silence… Nobody comes to console you because you deserved it. So you just have to get up and Pull yourself together.
But two hours later things are normal again. You were just angry at me and Telling me Awful things, now we’re ok. You told me you hated me and Hated Taking care of Me, but now you’re joking with me. The Air is so Off but nobody notices it but you… Are you crazy? Are you mental for noticing the whiplash? I don’t know. I don’t know. But it’s so scary. It’s just a regular day for them but Everything Still hurts for me. I’m still uneasy from what happened even if it happened months ago… what’s wrong with me? It’s so strange but we all just have to deal with it, right?
I don’t know. I haven’t even gotten to research that Shows Beating a Child almost gives the same effect as Sexually Assaulting a Child. I guess it makes sense. But it’s shown as a type of Discipline… a type of Punishment… it’s not abuse, is it? I don’t know. I guess when you’re so used to getting hurt it doesn’t come off as Something bad. I mean, I think if you have someone who is physically, mentally, and economically unable to fight back from being beaten and harmed by the person who holds over their heads that they take care of them, they clean you, clothe you, feed you, make sure the bills are paid for you, I mean it does come off as abuse. Children will never have that power over their parents, because they are children, they don’t have jobs or money so they are at the mercy of others.
As a child You aren’t even talked about like a human being, you’re like an object or a servant. In some homes it’s more obvious than others. You would not hit your coworker for a mistake they made, why would you do the same for a Child?
I Don’t think it even matters. Because even if You tell people there are studies showing that Spankings make the Behavior of the child worse, that it doesn’t make the child learn anything, and that it teaches them to Hit their peers for behavior they deem as “Wrong”, they would not listen. You have so many adults who were spanked and This affected their Development so much but yet they smile at the Thought of Inflicting the same Pain on their own children and not Talking to them. I don’t know… I always thought it was Weird to try and Mold a Person who has their own Thoughts & Feelings into what you want them to be. To groom someone into the person that they will probably resent in the future, I always thought that was Wrong.
But I don’t have Kids, I only helped Raised my siblings, so my Voice doesn’t matter. Who cares.