Recently
I feel like a Pervert whenever I try and get close to others. Complimenting others feels so needy, like I want something from them or like I’m trying to manipulate them into doing something awful. Trying to relate to others feels so performative and faux—Do I really care or am I making it up? Can I really say I’ve been through something similar before?—I Don’t know really. It feels like every action I take I’m being judged for it. Every word I speak I’m being punished for it. I don’t know anymore, it feels like a Barrier put in front of me and everyone else I communicate with.
I don’t know if i said the right things, I Don’t Know if I did the right thing, I Don’t know if I’ll feel good about anything today and regret it all tomorrow. There’s nothing I can do but hope I did everything correctly, that maybe the choices I made today won’t haunt me tomorrow & forever.