her again
I don’t know how to feel.
I wasn’t expecting it, but it happened.
Today is 20th of April. I was productive today, I actually ate a proper meal for once, and for once I feel good. But I guess that’s because of what happened yesterday.
The girl whom I think about everyday… likes me too? It’s so… odd? In a good way? I mean, I wanted to be with her anyway! I wanted her to be mine and me to be hers——but it was just so unexpected? I don’t know what to do, she loves me and I love her! I feel like I’m going to explode with happiness and joy!
It feels so good to be love and be loved back.
I never thought I’d be with anyone again. I thought I’d be stuck in the endless cycle of loving and yearning for someone, only for them to not like me back. Prior to my relationship with her; I had been with a boy, who told me that That I Was Unlovable. Him and his friend told me this.
That I was a horrible, ugly, vile, and disgusting person. That I wasn’t deserving of anyone’s time or affection, that I was waste of space. Even after he apologized (and looking back, I should’ve accepted his apology and not accepted his friendship,) and became “friends”, when things didn’t work out how he wanted them to he told that he regretted every minute he spent with me, and he hoped that I “ceased to exist”.
I guess I should forget him, and those words, since they aren’t true at all! But deep down I know that because he was such a big part of my life, I took his word as fact. I shouldn’t have, I know. But it’s too late now… I’ve already internalized them. I shouldn’t have, but I have.
So, I am grateful she even considered me as a partner. Even despite me being so inactive, despite me being so dry in direct messages… she still loves me.
I am happy to have met her, and I hope our relationship lasts a long time. Is it selfish to ask for a lifetime, or will she be sick of my boring rants? Who knows! Who cares. I’m glad to be hers.