I Hate You Too
Hi bearblog! Today is probably (?) the last day of may. Isn’t that amazing? So much is changing for me! It’s so crazy… And I’m a little Scared. Life is so Scary.
I guess that’s a topic for another time… but for now, let’s talk about my identity. Recently… I have been questioning ❓my gender. Expression and all, and also pondering how strict the queer community is. It’s actually quite annoying, you have people who are considered “weird”, forcing weirder members of their community into boxes that they didn’t agree to being put in. Policing identities… being hostile towards their own community… like what gives? And this isn’t a recent thing, it’s actually been going on for years, but it’s been seemingly getting worse nowadays. I mean, personally whenever I see a complex label… I just go “cool”, and move on. I Have The Assumption that a lot of complex identities are for people who are INTERSEX + MULTIGENDER! Big emphasis on intersex… since it would make sense for someone who already has a complex relationship with sex… to have a queer complex identity . But whatever. That’s just me.
Anyway… Which Is why I dislike the majority of queer discourse. it’s just recycled bull we’ve already covered before. Shout Out to discourse demons you guys fucking stay on It. Still the more I learn about older queers and their lives, how THEY expressed themselves… it’s way more freeing than what people restrict themselves into doing now. I just wish I could Find Queer Literature on Black gays. Sighs. But that’s off topic.
About myself… Hi. I’m unlabeled, mostly in everything. I have always restricted myself and put myself in unnecessary boxes which made expressing myself worse. I was always worrying about “the perfect fit” in Regards To my Gender, when really I should’ve just stopped worrying. But now, I worry about “Not Being Queer Enough”. Because my identity is so complex, so odd, so… weird. I can’t fit one label and call it a day, not a simple one anyway. I don’T fit in a box anymore when it comes to sexuality and gender… I can’t call myself one thing or something else. Multi-In-Everythang! It’s sad but true! I feel isolated from everyone, yikes!
But I guess it’s ok… since now I can label myself as I wish without feeling like I’m missing something. I feel a little more complete. A little More At Ease. I feel A little more Happier now, even if I feel isolated.
That being said… Is It Ok if I’m her Femme to her Futch? Is that wrong? It probably isn’T, but I may have some separatist queers jumping down my throat about it.