disgusting pervert.
Lately I’ve been thinking terrible things. Disgusting things. Things that I find extremely revolting and vile… but if truly did, I wouldn’t have them on my mind.
How do I even explain this? I guess I suffer from intrusive thoughts, boohoo! So does everyone else! There’s nothing special or wrong with you! but it feels that way? I don’t know how to go about it really. I’ve been experiencing violent and nasty thoughts… things i’d never want to do, or partake of. I can’t stop it. I try to ignore it——nothing works.
I am disgusting.
I wouldn’t hurt anyone! I’m Not A Threat! I constantly tell myself these things but wonder Are They Really True? I say they are, but am I lying to myself? Do I want these thoughts? As a man thinkth, So Is He? I don’t know. i don’T know. I’m scared. Am I really a nasty freak? Do I want this? Beating, kicking, hurting others I love and those I don’t know. I don’t want to be violent.
I guess… something else I deal with is suicidal thoughts too. Passive suicidal tendencies. The answer to everything is to die, to suffer, to wipe my existence off the planet so I don’t have to experience this minor inconvenience again. It’s stupid, it’s so stupid, but I struggle with it a lot. It scares me. what if one day… I’m serious? So I try to limit myself saying this… because there is power in the tongue.
I sometimes think I’m faking. but then I’m just a thought away from realizing it’s all real. My subconscious is so mean.